9/26/2023 5:36 p.m, SATURDAY
title: well, hell
mood: what was i made for?

hello. long time no bl0g. i have been drowning in the world of education. i feel like i am invigorated and exhausted at the same time. i have always had a calling to teach, like i was made for it. but these days i dont feel so certain that my life needs to be like this. it breaks my heart. i lost a part of my school community this week and it hurt so bad. there's so many things out of my control. i feel like im losing a lot, and gaining a lot too. i have learned that this happens when you experience growth. just going through another cycle of change. i am proud of the woman i am everyday, and i am proud of the woman i was. theres no more bitterness, self hate or pity in my heart. i am loved, i am worthy, i am blessed, i am protected. my cup runneth over.
lately i've just been teachin. it takes up most of my brain and my time. if im not teaching, you can find me goofin off with BINGO or resting. I want to find more time for my own life. I miss the freedom of not having a career. I ask myself to work towards finding balance, but its like im forced to drown my first year. time goes by so fast. im trying to cherish what i can. to be present. with my students, my friends, my family, myself. i have been teaching for over a month now and I just cant believe it. time is a tricky lil thing.

8/12/2023 2:16 p.m, SATURDAY
title: major life update
mood: breathe deeper,pls.

okaaaaaaaay. i moved homes. i feel brand new. i started my first year of teaching. i keep crying every day in my car. some things feel so much larger than me, and i struggle to breathe deeper through them. luckily, i have an incredbile support system and i have developed the tools i need to move through those big, hard, scary feelings. yesterday i left work and cried for hours, trying to figure out if i am even capable of doing this job. teaching is hard... idk why people say that its such an easy job. those people are ignorant to the education system. i need to find more resources and support for a handful of my students. i want them to succeed and have the chance to learn in my classroom. i dunno how im going to be successful this year, but im going to make it happen. please remember to always ask for help. please remember its okay to be scared about things that are new to you. things that are important to you. please be gentle and breathe a little deeper.
p.s thank u friends for all your support. your love moves me.
          

7/8/2023 2:39 am, SATURDAY (but its friday night ya' know?)
title: i could dance with u every single day
mood: move dat ass, yeah.

a bit ago i had a conversation with a friend & they expressed gratitude towards me. that gratitude is reciprocated in such a large way that i want to write about it. it's really cool to share life with people who have similiar values and outlooks on life as you. i feel connected to this person in a way so large that i want to thank the universe for allowing us to cross paths and love one another. we're goin to a show soon and i can't wait to dance and sing and laugh with them. i feel really good about bouncin' our love back and forth amongst each other. good energy, good love.
this week had me feelin' confused about love. i often think i've never seen healthy love before but i have so much healthy love in my life in the form of friendship that i know that's just not true. i also know that healthy love can have it's flaws and still be good. i hope to release some of the need for control that i have in my brain and allow the universe to guide me. i want to have more trust & hope in the things i believe and value. anyyywayz. love ur friends, die laughing, dancing and having fun.
night night, webverse. this bunny is BEAT!      

7/7/2023 5:18 pm, FRIDAY
title: stop playin' footsiez!!
mood: is this what u call a family?!

my head has been spinning. i crave consistency,safety and conmfort so bad right now. so many things in life are out of my control. on some level... things in life are really good. but its the growth process that always seems to wear me thin. i am tired. im impatiently waiting for my new home. and my new career starts so soon which is by far the SCARIEST feeling. soon i will start my lifelong dream of teaching the youth of our country. i want to foster so many types of learning in their brains. learning to be a friend, learning how to cope, learning respect, history, boundaries, math, science, learning how to ask questions, how to find answers. i want to help build a love for lifelong learning. when i start talking about education i never want to shut up. i have so much to say. *sigh* there's a lot of uncertainties in life, but these ones im facing right now are too big.

send love if u have any.

7/5/2023 3:12 am, WEDNESDAY
title: feeling GONKY
mood: we like to party

it has been so hard for me to relax this summer, things have just been very stressful in my home because our landlord wont take the time to fix anything. such a fake job he has. as if! luckily, my friends provide me with space to relax, eat, rest...do anything i need. i love having so many different homes. i appreciate all the space n' love given to me.
tonight i am staying at haley's place. we got a lil funky fresh, made some yummy shrimp (FORBIDDEN SHRIMP JUNGLE JUICE), and painted. her neighbors were popping fire works in the apartment parking lot and it about scared us to DEATH. ~ "we are on drugs and your fireworks are scaring us. please stop!!" haley and i haven't been friends for tooo tooo long but i feel like she's been in my life forever. we clown around together and share one singular pisces brain cell. the love i have in my life is incredible. im listening to mazzy star, winding down on the couch for bed. i hope the rest of this week is as good as the beginning.

i feel love.

7/3/2023 10:31 pm, MONDAY
title: can i just move already?!?
mood: gooey

i woke up today covered in sweat (again.) the texas heat is not something i can deal with ANY longer..but summer just started. our house is not keeping me sufficiently comfortable this season, so i am ready to move. today tay came over n helped me pack up my vhs collection and my trinkets. she said we are artistic hoarders..we just have so many good visions. i love creating things with people. right now we're hangin out working on our sites. you can find hers here

i treated my sweet friend Eren to some daiquiris and mexican food today to celebrate their birth! I worked on a painting for them. i framed n' wrapped it up all pretty for them. i love how happy they looked opening it... i will cherish that moment forever n' ever. i am v happy they were born!

im feeling very excited to move into a new space, but moving comes with some grief. this house was our home for atleast ten years...i grew into a woman here. i will always love this home, but i have far overgrown the space it holds for me, mentally. onto a new part of my life. i cannot wait to decorate and take baths and feel safe again. what does home mean to you?

7/2/2023 6:23 pm, SUNDAY
title: I need all the love I can get
mood: enthralled

hi there!
last night i finally had the honor of going to my favorite nightclub with someone i love very dearly. we had talked about dancing there together throughout the quarantine days of 2020. the timing finally aligned for us to do so, under a sagittarius moon. I have fallen in love with my dearest friends under that disco ball. music really brings people together. haley was there, our bartender said "let me guess.. a satisfaction and a bucket of tequila?"and then in sync..riding off one shared brain wave... haley n' i said "He knows us so well!" we have been clownin around in face paint a lot lately, something else i cherish with my whole heart. my bartenders gave me pep talks about my new and upcoming career. I feel love in that club.
After the club we had to stop to go potty and the gas station attendant said "I take a picture for you?? You look good!" But he meant that he wanted to take a selfie with us.. we posed for the pic and he only charged me $1 at checkout. There's always some kind of story to tell of our nights out.
Today tay came to haley's place and taught me how to create my own website.. so now here I am at home, bloggin away. She's a good teacher ;) That's a lil joke, because I am actually a teacher. I'll tell ya more about myself when I get around to creating my About Me Page.
I've got a lot to share with the world... so come back for more.